Monday, January 28, 2013

The day life came calling...

It was a typical Tuesday morning.

Kids off to school. Matt's working. I head out the door at 8:10am, coffee in one hand, cell phone and car keys in the other. It's a 45 minute drive to the Pregnancy Center - my mind's already running thru the list of 10 things I'd like to get done in the next 5 hours. Gonna call my friend, we will chit chat, catch up and invest in each other for a few minutes while the miles (45 of them) tick by. I was just about to work when my phone chirped - my brother in Flagstaff - calling at 7:40am his time - hey friend I will have to call ya back.

And that was when life came calling. Those things in life you don't expect. Those things in life you can't get ready for in advance. Those things in life that suck.

There had been a house fire at my mom's place.
She was airlifted to Tucson.
Not sure what hospital.
No information on her condition.

The world fell silent. At least for me.
I can remember the details, but in many ways the next few days are nothing more to me than a blur. I can't think straight. I'm not sure I can breathe. I have only 2 responses ~ either I am completely calm and collected, discussing the facts as I know them to be at that moment, OR  I am so emotional I can barely speak at all. I have no balance. I'm not sure I have much of a filter either. I am not mad, or frightened, angry or scared. I am numb. And then I am overwhelmed. I feel no emotion or I feel all of them. I cannot think logically, but don't want to be emotional or irrational.

When I finally get a moment alone, I turn to my "go to" source of comfort...the most bi-polar book of the Bible...Psalms.

When I said my foot is slipping, your love O Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.  Psalms 94:18-19

This hurts, this stinks and this really isn't fair. I don't understand. I can't breathe. My heart is breaking. I know that your heart is breaking too. I know You wont let me slip. I know that whatever comes next, You are big enough.

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