Friday, November 30, 2012

Fragile On My Forehead

Fragile on my Forehead

That is how I feel. That is what I am sure people would see today if they just looked close enough. It's a handle with care kind of day, week, month, season. The details don't matter ~ I know that God knows the whole story. When will the rain stop? When will each new day not feel like it is all up hill, uneven and jagged? There is just so much hard stuff right now. I guess you could say it's harvest time, but what is being reaped is the fruit of poor choices, foolish decisions and outright plain and simple sin. Free will can really stink sometimes. The people I love hurt. I can't fix it. I feel powerless.  I cry out to God, when will I hear your voice? I know that faith is not feeling based, in fact sometimes faith is the exact opposite of what I am feeling.

Insights from my Bible reading: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit ~ Romans 15:13 and then Find rest O my soul in God alone, my hope comes from Him ~ Psalms 62:5  I wrapped up with So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law of the Prophets ~ Matthew 7:12

Joy, Peace, Hope.  These things all feel so far from me today. Draw me close today.

My heartache, My struggle, My chaos, My world. Me, Me, Me, Me, Me.
I know that these days are just a few pages in story that God continues to write.
God I know that you can use these pages for your glory.

But it still hurts. It's still hard. I don't like it. It's not fun. It's not easy. It's messy. You are patient when I am slow, when I falter, when I fail, when I am human. You love me beyond measure. Help me God. Let me see the people that you bring into my path today the way you do. If they have fragile on their forehead and in their heart, let me mirror your compassion and your love.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Please come with...

Have you ever had a time where you just felt like you were at the end of yourself?
Sunday School answers don't always bring comfort in the midst of real life struggle.
So life is still real...and it still can be hard.
What I need is some face time with my ABBA.
I need answers. I need hope. I long for comfort. I long for truth.

I crack open my Bible again - to the place we left off yesterday. Once again God shows up right on time - His time. So this is how I process Moses' experience from long ago and apply it to where I am today. I can't say its deeply theological, but more deeply personal. It's not the historical context, but instead the context of this moment in Moses' life and how it can parallel my moment too.

Exodus 33:7-15
Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the “tent of meeting.” Anyone inquiring of the Lord would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp.
            Alright - so meeting with God is important. It's not just something for the leadership, but something for every follower. And this meeting didn't take place in the middle of chaos. It was a place set apart. It was a place where seeking God was the purpose. God - help me to be intentional in the ways I inquire of You.

 And whenever Moses went out to the tent, all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered the tent.  
            When the leader and judge of the people sought out God - the people noticed.

9As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the Lord spoke with Moses. 10 Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to their tent.
             When Moses sought God, God showed up - and the people knew it. The people would follow the example of their leader and they would also worship.

 11 The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent.
             Wow! God didn't just show up, he spoke with Moses as one "speaks to a friend". I want that! There's a big difference between getting a lecture or receiving orders from the boss  and talking with a friend.

12 Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’       
            Preach it brother Moses! God, you gave me this job but none of the details. I am clueless God. God, you have told me that I am your girl and I believe what you say is true.

1If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”
            I need to know you more God. I want to be more like you. The deeper we go together, the more I will become who you created and intended me to be. You have a plan for me and for your people. Please help me God to have your eyes - speak your truths and be your hands and feet. Let me advocate for those you have put in my path God. Don't give up on us God. Even tho we sometimes still struggle with sin, we are Yours and we want more of You.

14 The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
            This is what I hear God saying... " I've got your back. I am gonna be right there with you. It's mine plan. I will provide. I know you don't get it, and you don't have all the details. You don't need to have all the details. Take a deep breath. It will be ok."    AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST - I don't rest when there is stress. My mind just doesn't shut down. For me to rest, my mind must be at peace with God. Sometimes there is not peace in my circumstance, but there can still be peace in my heart - a peace that comes only from God.

15 Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.
              If You don't go with me God, don't make me go alone. If this is not Your plan God, don't ask me to do it.

Today God, make my words your words. May I speak only what you would direct and then shut my mouth. Give me your eyes God, and help me to see the people You bring into my path as you see them. As people spend time with me today, let them get to know you a little more. If I am the only Bible they read today, let what they read be Your truth.