As I got ready to head to Arizona to be with my mom I tried to process what I would be walking into. Lacking focus, and with a heavy heart I cracked my Bible open again. I was reading in John chapter 11 - but my eyes could really only focus on a few words in verse 21 "Lord if you had been here..." Man do I understand that statement. Where were you God? And so, this was my fervent prayer "God, please let me see your hand in all this. Please help me to be your hands and feet. Bring beauty from ashes."
I made the choice to look for God. I asked Him to speak clearly and let my eyes clearly see. I didn't hope for it, I expected it. I this is what I discovered.
When the fire broke out and the smoke alarm and the carbon monoxide detector both failed to sound, and my step dad woke up and saw the fire - God was there.
When my mom was trapped in the smoke and my step dad was able to crawl around, find her and drag her out of the burning house - God was there.
When 3 fire departments showed up at a FIRE without water, and when the first emergency response vehicle showed up without oxygen - God was there.
When someone had the good since to call the life flight helicopter - God was there.
When my mom arrived at University Medical Center - one of the best ICU/Burn centers around - God was there.
As the staff began to treat my mom for severe smoke inhalation, severe burns on more than 25% of her body and hypothermia (from being left in the 7 degree night air, uncovered for more than 45 minutes while the ambulance staff waited for the helicopter to arrive) - God was there.
As the best ICU nurses and most skilled doctors I have ever seen work to heal my mom - God is there.
Every day since, with the fevers, the pneumonia, the surgeries, the set backs and the small steps forward...every day God was there, God is there, God will be there.
God's presence is not dependant on my awareness. God's work is not dependant on my presence. God's power is not dependant on me at all. I do not know what tomorrow holds, but I do know that God holds tomorrow in His hand. Even while I don't understand, and even while it still hurts really bad, I will trust you God.