I may have mentioned that a few ago I received a surprise phone call from the EO of the local PRC (Pregnancy Resource Center) where I have volunteered for the last few years. Long story short, I am going back to work part time to begin to administrate and continue to facilitate the No Regrets Sexual Integrity program that is offered to Jr and Sr Highs in my local area.
First day and there is a scheduled staff meeting at 7:30am. Takes 45 minutes to get there. Matt's up at 5am. Kids need to be up by 6:15am and I need to be dressed, prepped and rolling down the road by 6:45am. No Problem...right? Things actually went pretty well. I even had a few minutes with God, got all of the lunches packed for the day, kissed the babies goodbye and was backing out of the driveway by 6:50. Tuned in to a local Christian radio station and jumped onto the interstate - 5 minutes is easy to make up when most of the trip is highway and the roads are clear. Music is blaring, I am singing, smiling and praying. Not going too fast, but also not going 65mph ~ but it's only speeding if you get caught right? And most officers will give you...what...5,6,7, 9 miles over without much thought? Here's hoping. I don't say praying, because I don't think God much cares for prayers offered up concerning the disregarding of rules, like "Lord please help me not to get caught as I speed and break the rules."
Bam - out of no where I see him. I lovely little state trooper HIDING in the median between two huge piles of snow. Too late to slow down. Bam - the word that flew from my mouth...Not pretty. Not Nice. Not at all pleasing to my Lord.
This same mouth that kisses my babies and sings words of praise to God almighty, now being used in a less than lovely way. My mouth failed me yet again. Where did that word even come from?
Deflated. Defeated. Embarrassed. Human. We have been working on this God. You and me together. Transforming my heart, my mind and my mouth. I thought we'd been getting some good work done, and now look where I am. I thought I was past this once and for all.
1 Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
God is good. I am not perfect. I am not going to be. What's next for this simple girl?
2 Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.
4 He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!
I did the only thing I could. No excuses, no explanation, just straight up honest, heartfelt and in the moment confession to my Savior. HE FORGIVES. HE REDEEMS. HE FILLS.
Now, when Satan tries to use that morning compute experience to discourage me or taunt me I can boldly say "Yep, God knows about, He forgave it, and we are moving ahead together - so shut up Satan and go away." It's really a fun thing to say. You should try it sometime :-)