I feel like a bug

Some days you're the windshield and some days you are the bug.
Ever had a day where you thought you were one and then later determined that you are in fact the other?
That was my yesterday.

It started off with great promise - as most every day can. Time with Matt and time with God in quiet study and prayer. I was directed to Psalms 147. I hung out there for quite a while.

Psalm 147:1-6 NIV

Praise the Lord. How good it is to sing praises to our God, 

how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the exiles of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power; is understanding has no limit.
The Lord sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground.

As I read these words all my heart could process was - God has my back. He builds up His people and draws them close to Him.  He is the healer of the broken hearted - not a band aid - but the cure. He created the stars and has named them all. His understanding is limitless. He's got it. He already knows the details of my day and He has it covered, no matter what. I sent out some texts to a few friends. God just laid their name on my heart and I really wanted them to know that God had their days covered too. Now here's the truth...I had a plan for the day and I knew, I just knew it was gonna be great. But isn't it nice that God is gonna be there holding my hand on this sunshine day! 

 Fed the chickens (we are chicken sitting for the neighbors who are in Jamaica), dropped off stuff at Good Will, went to Kmart (the most poorly staffed store in the greater QCA) and then went to a meeting that was GREAT! Cleaned up the church and headed home. Cranked up the a/c and the radio and headed home. Road construction, pot holes-most of which I missed and all the other normal things a girl faces on the drive home.  Was gonna call Matt and touch base but Verizon was down - so no chatting for me. Pulled into the driveway and headed inside. Quick dinner, made a few notes for another meeting and headed out the door 30 minutes after my arrival for a night at the church. As we backed out we heard it - an awful noise. Matt pulled back in and we did the quick car shuffle into the faithful van - 180,000 miles and no a/c but the windows all roll down - and we headed off to church for the evening. When got home last night and were able to look a bit more closely, Matt discovered that the rear shock on the passenger side of the Pilot had shear off at the wheel base. The Pilot is our good car. It has working A/C. It only has 118,000 miles on it. It's not drivable.

Anger.

Frustration.

Stress.

Fear.

Can we fix it? Can someone else fix it?  Is it fixable? How are we gonna pay for this?

As we lay in bed later that night we talked it through and we prayed. Matt prays us into the day, I pray us out - that's our norm and it has become a treasured part of our life. This was pretty much my prayer. Matt has a great job. Praise God. We are all safe. Praise God. We have an abundance of blessing in our life. Praise God. We have a great support system, church and family. Praise God. Many great things happened for your Kingdom and in the hearts of your people tonight. Praise God. The car is broke. This sucks God. It is the good car. This sucks God. We don't know who to trust to fix the car. This sucks God. We are trying to pay off debt and set aside money for a missions trip X 4. This sucks God. Why does it seem like we never really catch up? This sucks God. Settle our spirits and our minds. Amen.

Then it happened. As I lay quietly and continued to process the day, God brought back to my mind the text I sent out so early that morning. And I felt God ask "Do you really believe I have your back? Do you really believe I've got this? Do you really trust that my understanding is limitless? Can you imagine for a moment that I can work good from this? Can you see at all my simple girl that your day was not all what you thought it would be because you couldn't see all the facts? Can you see how my hand was on you? Can you see how I protected you?" Turns out that Psalms 147 wasn't for anyone else yesterday but me. I was just slow.
Sorry about that God. Grow my faith. Grow my belief. Grow my ability to see you in the moment and not after it. Help me to remember that each of my days is actually yours. Help keep my eyes fixed on the eternal. And help us seek and hear your voice as we figure out what to do next.